To Burn or Build

            At my new job, I have some awesome coworkers. Quick to help and always patient, they don’t make me dread my upcoming shift. Recently, I’ve relearned that kind people can make your life wonderful, and mean people can make it miserable.

            As I was thinking about what to write today, this contrast came to mind. Am I in the former camp, or the latter? When I enter a situation, do people want to leave or work with me? Proverbs talks about this in 25:24:

            “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (NIV)

            Ouch. Now, I’m not saying I’m a wife (:p), but the truth behind this verse applies to me, too. When I’m snappy and biting I’m sure people want to take off for the hills. But wait, there’s more in 16:27:

            “A worthless man digs up evil, While his words are like a scorching fire.” (NASB)

            Whoa, a scorching fire*, eh? I’ve experienced that from others and myself. Sometimes you spew words and it feels like pure venom. It’s one of those “I-wish-I-could-rewind-but-I-can’t-and-now-I-just-destroyed-you” things. When someone does it to me, I just want to shrink and disappear. Not a fun feeling.

            When we talk to people, regardless of our mood, do we make them wish they didn’t exist? Do we devastate others and then later excuse it because of our mood? Contrast that to how our words should be (Proverbs 25:11**):

            “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

            Yes, that may be poetry, but the truth is that a correct word choice is beautiful. Proper words are awe-inspiring regardless of the message. It’s presentation is superb, and people want more or it. Proverbs 16:24 states:

            “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (NIV)

            Are we full of crushing and biting remarks? Do we mock others***? Or are our words soothing and full of grace? When people mess up, are they afraid to come to us for fear of our wrath? Do they fear our sarcastic tear-downs?

            As Christians, we are called to take the high road. To forgive, to talk with grace. As a chronic failure in this area, I know I need forgiveness and grace. But we can grow together and look towards the day when our words will destroy no more.

*Read James chapter 3 to learn more about how dangerous words can be. Yeah, they can be very dangerous.

**If you couldn’t tell yet, Proverbs is great for learning about how to live. It’s full of tips and wisdom. On a side note, too bad its author (Solomon) didn’t follow some of his own advice…

***Coincidentally, I was listening to “Something You Said” by Insufficient Funds on Pandora. Among other things, it talk about a man who verbally abused his wife and she goes and commits suicide… cheerful stuff.

The Soul: What to Do?

            In the previous post I established why I think America is collapsing. My answer is the demise of the family (and fatherhood specifically).

            In this post I’ll write about how to fix America. Naturally, I think the answer is fixing the family. Now, some people I know think the answer is fixing the education system. I’ll tell you why that is incorrect.

            The kids who GO TO the schools COME FROM homes. Now, if the home is messed up, the kids generally could care less how well they do in school. This doesn’t depend on how good the individual school is, it’s just that kids won’t care unless there are people at home to push them forwards.

            Stats back this up (kids coming from single-parent homes or step-parent homes not doing as well in school). However, I just want to dismiss the “education is the key to fixing the country” thing people say.

            Now, how do we fix the families in the country? We start by FIXING THE CHRISTIAN FAMILIES. When people look at us, they should see something that they want and desperately need. What are these things? Peace, joy, security, direction, purpose, and all those others things. But what do they see?

Statistics (Don’t You Love Them?)

            The numbers vary, but generally the “Christian” couples’ divorce rate is around 40-50%. Ouch. Now, those numbers go down based on how serious* the Christian couples are concerning their faith. Stricter Christians (those generally more on the conservative side) have lower divorce rates, and the numbers go down the more fundamental you go (i.e. more tenets of faith you hold to). But wait, there’s more:

            61% of Christians said they would have sex before marriage**. Ouch. 59% said that cohabitation is alright after dating for more than six months. Ouch. But wait, there’s more:

            In the Catholic church (and in some Protestant churches), child abuse has been a problem. Hundreds of thousands of kids have been abused by “leaders”. Ugh. But wait... I don’t feel like continuing. This is enough.

So How Do People See “Christians”?

            Let’s go through these lovely statistics. Those outside of Christianity see pain, lies, faithlessness, promiscuity, pregnancies, STDs, hypocrisy, and abuse. So, let’s go evangelize! Let’s go convince people that Christianity is the only way! Let’s go tell people that Christianity will heal the soul and set it free!

            Uh, no. We won’t fix the education system, or the family, or the soul, or the nation, until we fix ourselves. Until two Christians make the commitment to wait until marriage. And until those two Christians wait until death to part. Until Christian leaders see the souls behind the bodies of the people they work with. Until the world sees that we are who we say we are.

That’s Just It

            Let’s read about what God wants us to be. Matthew 5:14 states, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” (NIV)

            Christians think of “light of the world” and think “aww, that’s cute.” That’s just because we don’t understand the context. The verse before (13) goes something like:

            “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.”

            The majority of Christians are not salty and so God won’t use them. Why? They are no different than those they are supposed to be seasoning. If salt tasted like french fries, would we put salt on french fries? No, nothing would happen (I don’t think, don’t quote me on the fries thing).

Fixing the Soul

            We’ve established that America is messed up. This is because the soul of the nation and of the individuals are messed up. We’ve also established that the downfall of the family and fatherhood is responsible for messed up souls.

            How do we fix the family (and therefore all the other things)? By showing that there is an alternative to dysfunction. But we have to BE the alternative. We have to be the light of the world that people can look to and say, “I want to be like that.” They join the light, change, and become examples for others. Pretty soon enough changed lives will change a nation.

            But it starts with you and me. Will we pick up our crosses and follow Jesus? Then our souls will be changed, and the world will soon follow.

*But really, "seriousness" doesn't matter when you say you are a Christian. Already you've labeled yourself, being serious or not doesn't change how people see you. They don't differentiate between those obeying Christ and not. The damage is done.
**I could've used the stats about actual teenage sex in Christian circles. But that's depressing, so I'll just trust those who say they would have sex if they could and roll with that.

The Soul: The Problem

            So now that we’ve established that America is messed up, let’s look at why. People have various opinions on this (naturally), but I think it starts with the family. The family starts with the dad.

            I’m looking at the fatherless generation* and my heart is currently breaking. Right now. I knew things were bad, but....

– 43% of US children live without their father (!)

–  63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

– 71% of pregnant girls lack a father

– 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

– Wow right? Sadly, those are just a few…

            Families are messed up across the nation, and it starts with the dad. Biblically, God put the father in charge of the house**. He is to guide it and help develop those in his care.

            Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

            Deuteronomy 6:6-7 states, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart;

            “and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” (ASV)

            The problem is that if there is no trainer there is no training. If there is no teacher there is no teaching. Families appear when they should not and children are born into bleak situations.

            Children grow and aren’t taught right from wrong. Guys join gangs to seek approval and manhood that only a father can give. Girls chase after those guys to seek protection and self-worth that only a dad can give. It’s a destructive cycle because then those unmarried girls start families too early and– you get the picture.

             All of this contributes to a culture that is not grounded in anything other than “do what you think or feel is right, follow your heart”. Barbie movies notwithstanding, this formula doesn’t end well.

Okay, So Where Are We Now?

             Families don’t have fathers, which means the mother has to be both the mother (run the day to day activities in the house) and the father (guiding the direction of the family). The problem with this is that they also have to bring in the dough!

            So the moms are working at least one job, so they can’t be both the mom and dad at the same time. Oh, who could possibly help?

            Enter the school systems and media. The school systems babysit the children for most of the time the mom is working, and media (movies, t.v. shows, social media, etc.) does the rest.

            If God’s not involved, situations will fail. And they have, just look at the stats above. The schools can’t replace the father because overcrowded classrooms can’t address individual needs, struggles, hopes, personalities, etc.

            As for the media, all you need to do is look at the people being idolized. Most celebrities are not happy people, folks. Unfortunately, these people are being worshipped. However, if magazines and song lyrics are any indicators, they are not satisfied. They also are looking for someone in their life to tell them they are worth something. They, too, need someone to tell them to stop chasing after what doesn’t last. Celebrities are just more victims of this fatherless generation.

What Does This Have to Do With the Last Post?

            I admit, I’ve gone off on a bit of a closely related tangent. But it was a good tangent. Now let me try to rescue it by tying it to the last post.

            When a block of land has no developer, it stays... undeveloped. Its potential is not tapped. It’s not good for much until something comes along and does something with it.

            That’s how it is with the soul. When we are born, we have potential. But that potential will only be reached if the soul is disciplined, refined (knows right from wrong, beauty from non-beauty), and rational.

            Without the father, none of this happens because the training regimen (life lessons, discipline, guidance) is not put into place. The school systems tell a student to remember X and to make sure to write X on a piece of paper. If this is done, the student has “done good”. When teens get home, the media tells them to idolize… things that are not beautiful, let’s just say.

            That is not developing the soul.

            As a result, the soul’s potential remains untapped, because there is no one there to make sure that it is developed. No one that cares AND can offer personal, individual assistance that is necessary to take a human and set him free.

*While writing this post, I was graciously reminded (shout out to K!) that Christians always have a Father, whether physical and spiritual or both. Psalm 68:5 states:

            “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

            Wow, “A father to the fatherless”. Though earthly fathers will disappoint (they are sinners like everyone else), there is always hope with our God. He IS our hope, in fact.

**Insert typical Christian disclaimer here: by stating that a father is “in charge”, I don’t mean that he lords it over everyone else and acts like a tyrant. Also, I don’t mean that he is more important than the mother. All I mean is that the father is the leader and is to guide the direction of a family. Without the mother, that’s not possible either. But that’s another post.