I'll Tell You What I Want...

            A very, very common complaint I hear from the ladies side is that guys our age (high school and college) are… jerks. Or maybe they aren’t jerks, they’re just shallow and immature. Or maybe they aren’t shallow and immature… yeah, they’re shallow and immature.

            One question I’ve heard is “what should I look for in a guy?” The culture’s answer is looks, humor, and more looks. Now, those things aren’t bad, but if there isn’t character beneath those things, the attractiveness will fade away pretty quickly. So will the relationship.

            When I've been asked this question, I usually answer with some variation of the list of questions below. These are great indicators of a guy’s character (i.e. quality). Now, are all these questions applicable in every guy’s situation? No. But they are generally reliable:

1) How does he treat his mom? How he treats his mom is how he’s going to treat you. Does he look out for her, love her, honor her, and help her?

2) How does he treat his dad? This is how he will treat authority in his life. Does he listen to him, respect him, and obey him?

3a) How is he when he is in a bad mood?  This goes for EVERYONE, actually. We all have bad days when we are in rotten moods. But one of the marks of mature people is that they don’t feel the need to make sure everyone around them is also in a terrible mood. They don’t try to bring you down just because they are down.

3b) How is he when things don’t go his way? Newsflash: not everything is going to go how you want it to. How he handles life and people while going through adversity is a huge indicator of character.

4) How does he spend his free time? Now, everyone loves a little mindless entertainment in front of the television or computer. But one thing I’d like to tell this generation is that there is a world outside your electronic device! Does he spend an adequate amount of his free time doing something useful? This shows productivity.

5a) How does he serve? The mark of a man is that he puts others before himself. Boys are selfish. Men are not. Boys are arrogant. Men are confident. There is a difference, and only one allows for a guy to serve as he should.

5b) How does he treat those who are culturally “lesser” than him*? Examples of these people are younger siblings, friends, subordinate coworkers, children, elders, strangers, those who aren’t as talented as he is in whatever relevant area, etc. Does he treat them with respect? Or does he walk all over them?

            There are more things I can think of**, but this is enough to think about. Unfortunately, many people don’t really put that much thought into who they get into a relationship with. “You’re cute, athletic, and funny. Let’s get together” is about as deep as some go. That lasts until one person actually learns more about the other.

            The relationship ends and scars form. Rinse, repeat.

            Ladies, when you can, ask these questions about the guy you are interested in. God made us attractive for a reason, but if you are basing your relationship off physical attraction and not an attractive character, odds are you will be disappointed and hurt. That’s not very fun, is it?

*This one (5b) may seem out of place, but it's true. Does he take the time to acknowledge those he doesn't have to? Does he give people around him the time of day?

**Yes, I didn't include the "is he a Christian?" question. The reason why is that is a whole post by itself.

God Among Men

            One argument used against Christians that absolutely drives me nuts is misogyny in the Bible. The Bible supposedly demeans wives. Critics point to Ephesians 5:22:

            “Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord” (NIV).

            This riles the feminists up. Submission? What? This is the 21st century, Christians. Wake up! Why do the women have to submit? Men have it so easy.

            I find it amusing because feminists never get to verse 25. Let’s see why:

            “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (NIV).

            They don’t ever rail against Christians using this verse, do they? Because while wives have to submit to their husbands, husbands have to be prepared to die for their wives.

            Christ is the example for husbands. Jesus was tortured and died a horrible death. In fact, dying on a cross was so painful that the culture of the day had to create a new word to describe it: excruciating. “Ex” means “out of” and “crux” means “cross” (out of the cross).

            Husbands have to be prepared to be tortured. Then die an excruciating death. For their wives.

           I think it’s safe to say both sides have it tough. Women have to submit to faulty men who make a lot of boneheaded decisions. That’s rough, I’m not going to lie. But men have to live up to and submit to Jesus Christ Himself, the ultimate Mr. Perfect. That’s harder.

*If you want stomach-wrenching descriptions of what Jesus went through, go here and here.

Greatness

            Awhile back I read Dr. Tony Evans’ book "Kingdom Man". It was inspiring, and goes hand in hand with my last post. He writes about men reaching their potential, which is greatness. You see, men in the American church have been feminized*.

            Just look at the volunteer openings in a typical church. Sunday school teachers. Care team. Meal-makers. Etc, etc. All more geared toward those who are gentle, sympathetic, soft, and caring. All more geared towards women**. Men often don’t go to church because they feel they have to check their masculinity at the door.

            Where’s the destruction? Where's the guts? Where’s the glory?

            Where’s the greatness?

            Men desire challenge. That’s why we gravitate toward the movies we do. Impossible odds? Ha! Us against the world? They better have backups. Epic drawn out fight scenes with massive special effects? Another day in the life of a man movie.

            But no, when we enter church we enter a realm that caters to women. We get an atmosphere that’s designed to draw out emotions and create a memorable experience. Great, but where’s the greatness?

Before Your Maker

            God knows something about greatness. He just needs to look in a mirror to see it. And you know what? He desires for us to be great, also. Genesis 12:13:

            The LORD had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.

            I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.

            I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” (NIV)

            Did you catch those phrases? “I will make YOU into a great nation”. “I will make YOUR name great”. “ALL peoples on earth will be blessed through YOU”.

            I don’t know about you, but that gets the blood flowing. I look at those phrases and I get excited. Sure, I get nervous, but if God is with me no one can stop me***.

            While those SPECIFIC words were for Abraham, the premise of this post is that men can do great things if we grab onto God’s will for us, not our culture’s.

            We are not women. Most men are rough around the edges. Men tend not to be good listeners and worse sympathizers. We are stubborn and hard-headed.

            But we desire greatness to a level women generally do not. No challenge is too great, no obstacle too hard. We demolish anything that gets in the way.

            God has a few things for people like men to do.

Summary

            So why did I write this post? Actually, my mind was all over the place. I was going to write about how the American church has followed American culture by falling to emotionalism (and therefore leaning towards women). I was going to write about specific problems men need to man-up with (such as fatherhood and treating women correctly). I was going to write about all the great things God wanted men to do in the Bible (and why men today can do great things)...

            So I decided to do a little bit of everything. So here’s my summary: Women and men are different. Men desire greatness. This desire is marginalized in today’s church, to the church’s detriment. Men can desire to be great because there are Biblical precedents (I only gave one). Therefore, desire greatness.

*Scratch that, men in America have been feminized.

**Alright, here’s my mandatory disclaimer I have to give when I say things like this: I’m not saying that if certain men have these traits or do these things, they are feminine. I’m talking about GENERALITIES. Men GENERALLY aren’t the most personable, or sympathetic, or skilled in the kitchen. You get my point.

***Okay, here’s another disclaimer I have to give: By all this talk of greatness, I don’t mean self-glorification. I’m not talking about “look at me” pride, but “look at God” worship. The more great things men do the more praise God gets. If you notice in the verses I quoted, who is allowing Abraham to be great? “I will show you... I will make you... I will make your... I will bless...” etc. Only in God’s power can we be great, and by being great we glorify God.

The Soul: The Problem

            So now that we’ve established that America is messed up, let’s look at why. People have various opinions on this (naturally), but I think it starts with the family. The family starts with the dad.

            I’m looking at the fatherless generation* and my heart is currently breaking. Right now. I knew things were bad, but....

– 43% of US children live without their father (!)

–  63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

– 71% of pregnant girls lack a father

– 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

– Wow right? Sadly, those are just a few…

            Families are messed up across the nation, and it starts with the dad. Biblically, God put the father in charge of the house**. He is to guide it and help develop those in his care.

            Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

            Deuteronomy 6:6-7 states, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart;

            “and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” (ASV)

            The problem is that if there is no trainer there is no training. If there is no teacher there is no teaching. Families appear when they should not and children are born into bleak situations.

            Children grow and aren’t taught right from wrong. Guys join gangs to seek approval and manhood that only a father can give. Girls chase after those guys to seek protection and self-worth that only a dad can give. It’s a destructive cycle because then those unmarried girls start families too early and– you get the picture.

             All of this contributes to a culture that is not grounded in anything other than “do what you think or feel is right, follow your heart”. Barbie movies notwithstanding, this formula doesn’t end well.

Okay, So Where Are We Now?

             Families don’t have fathers, which means the mother has to be both the mother (run the day to day activities in the house) and the father (guiding the direction of the family). The problem with this is that they also have to bring in the dough!

            So the moms are working at least one job, so they can’t be both the mom and dad at the same time. Oh, who could possibly help?

            Enter the school systems and media. The school systems babysit the children for most of the time the mom is working, and media (movies, t.v. shows, social media, etc.) does the rest.

            If God’s not involved, situations will fail. And they have, just look at the stats above. The schools can’t replace the father because overcrowded classrooms can’t address individual needs, struggles, hopes, personalities, etc.

            As for the media, all you need to do is look at the people being idolized. Most celebrities are not happy people, folks. Unfortunately, these people are being worshipped. However, if magazines and song lyrics are any indicators, they are not satisfied. They also are looking for someone in their life to tell them they are worth something. They, too, need someone to tell them to stop chasing after what doesn’t last. Celebrities are just more victims of this fatherless generation.

What Does This Have to Do With the Last Post?

            I admit, I’ve gone off on a bit of a closely related tangent. But it was a good tangent. Now let me try to rescue it by tying it to the last post.

            When a block of land has no developer, it stays... undeveloped. Its potential is not tapped. It’s not good for much until something comes along and does something with it.

            That’s how it is with the soul. When we are born, we have potential. But that potential will only be reached if the soul is disciplined, refined (knows right from wrong, beauty from non-beauty), and rational.

            Without the father, none of this happens because the training regimen (life lessons, discipline, guidance) is not put into place. The school systems tell a student to remember X and to make sure to write X on a piece of paper. If this is done, the student has “done good”. When teens get home, the media tells them to idolize… things that are not beautiful, let’s just say.

            That is not developing the soul.

            As a result, the soul’s potential remains untapped, because there is no one there to make sure that it is developed. No one that cares AND can offer personal, individual assistance that is necessary to take a human and set him free.

*While writing this post, I was graciously reminded (shout out to K!) that Christians always have a Father, whether physical and spiritual or both. Psalm 68:5 states:

            “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

            Wow, “A father to the fatherless”. Though earthly fathers will disappoint (they are sinners like everyone else), there is always hope with our God. He IS our hope, in fact.

**Insert typical Christian disclaimer here: by stating that a father is “in charge”, I don’t mean that he lords it over everyone else and acts like a tyrant. Also, I don’t mean that he is more important than the mother. All I mean is that the father is the leader and is to guide the direction of a family. Without the mother, that’s not possible either. But that’s another post.