I Respectfully Disagree

            What do you do when you disagree with someone? Are there ways to disagree? Are there "do"s and "don’t"s with arguing?

            Haha, you bet there is. Here are some things I’ve found helpful when I’ve argued with friends and family:

1. Realize that nothing is wrong with arguing itself. Jesus did it, and you can bet your life that you will argue too. It’s what is said and thought during arguments that makes arguing right or wrong.
2. Ban the words “never” and “always” from your vocabulary. They are extremely incendiary. They hurt like you wouldn’t believe, too.
3. Smile and joke while arguing. Lighten the mood if possible.
4. Agree with the other person whenever possible. Let them know you are on their side.
5. Be honest, but phrase things nicely as well. “You shouldn’t do stupid things all the time, and I’m being honest” isn't beneficially honest. “You probably should spend some more time thinking before you decide to do things, to be honest” is. It’s much softer. It’s wordier, but that’s alright.
6. Keep the goal of the argument always in mind. The goal of your argument wasn’t, most likely, to get in as many shots as possible in. It was to improve life; it was to make things better. Always stay focused on that.
7. Most likely, the other person isn’t going to do an about-face on the issue during the argument. We are just too prideful for that. Keep that in mind. But you can bet that that person is going to be thinking about what you said afterwards. Make sure to phrase things wisely, so when they reflect over what you said later they don’t get angry, but contemplative. “Huh, maybe you are right” might go through their head.

            I’m sure I could think of more, but this is good enough. Remember that arguing isn’t wrong; the results of an argument are supposed to improve the lives of both parties involved. 

I'll Tell You What I Want...

            A very, very common complaint I hear from the ladies side is that guys our age (high school and college) are… jerks. Or maybe they aren’t jerks, they’re just shallow and immature. Or maybe they aren’t shallow and immature… yeah, they’re shallow and immature.

            One question I’ve heard is “what should I look for in a guy?” The culture’s answer is looks, humor, and more looks. Now, those things aren’t bad, but if there isn’t character beneath those things, the attractiveness will fade away pretty quickly. So will the relationship.

            When I've been asked this question, I usually answer with some variation of the list of questions below. These are great indicators of a guy’s character (i.e. quality). Now, are all these questions applicable in every guy’s situation? No. But they are generally reliable:

1) How does he treat his mom? How he treats his mom is how he’s going to treat you. Does he look out for her, love her, honor her, and help her?

2) How does he treat his dad? This is how he will treat authority in his life. Does he listen to him, respect him, and obey him?

3a) How is he when he is in a bad mood?  This goes for EVERYONE, actually. We all have bad days when we are in rotten moods. But one of the marks of mature people is that they don’t feel the need to make sure everyone around them is also in a terrible mood. They don’t try to bring you down just because they are down.

3b) How is he when things don’t go his way? Newsflash: not everything is going to go how you want it to. How he handles life and people while going through adversity is a huge indicator of character.

4) How does he spend his free time? Now, everyone loves a little mindless entertainment in front of the television or computer. But one thing I’d like to tell this generation is that there is a world outside your electronic device! Does he spend an adequate amount of his free time doing something useful? This shows productivity.

5a) How does he serve? The mark of a man is that he puts others before himself. Boys are selfish. Men are not. Boys are arrogant. Men are confident. There is a difference, and only one allows for a guy to serve as he should.

5b) How does he treat those who are culturally “lesser” than him*? Examples of these people are younger siblings, friends, subordinate coworkers, children, elders, strangers, those who aren’t as talented as he is in whatever relevant area, etc. Does he treat them with respect? Or does he walk all over them?

            There are more things I can think of**, but this is enough to think about. Unfortunately, many people don’t really put that much thought into who they get into a relationship with. “You’re cute, athletic, and funny. Let’s get together” is about as deep as some go. That lasts until one person actually learns more about the other.

            The relationship ends and scars form. Rinse, repeat.

            Ladies, when you can, ask these questions about the guy you are interested in. God made us attractive for a reason, but if you are basing your relationship off physical attraction and not an attractive character, odds are you will be disappointed and hurt. That’s not very fun, is it?

*This one (5b) may seem out of place, but it's true. Does he take the time to acknowledge those he doesn't have to? Does he give people around him the time of day?

**Yes, I didn't include the "is he a Christian?" question. The reason why is that is a whole post by itself.

God Among Men

            One argument used against Christians that absolutely drives me nuts is misogyny in the Bible. The Bible supposedly demeans wives. Critics point to Ephesians 5:22:

            “Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord” (NIV).

            This riles the feminists up. Submission? What? This is the 21st century, Christians. Wake up! Why do the women have to submit? Men have it so easy.

            I find it amusing because feminists never get to verse 25. Let’s see why:

            “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (NIV).

            They don’t ever rail against Christians using this verse, do they? Because while wives have to submit to their husbands, husbands have to be prepared to die for their wives.

            Christ is the example for husbands. Jesus was tortured and died a horrible death. In fact, dying on a cross was so painful that the culture of the day had to create a new word to describe it: excruciating. “Ex” means “out of” and “crux” means “cross” (out of the cross).

            Husbands have to be prepared to be tortured. Then die an excruciating death. For their wives.

           I think it’s safe to say both sides have it tough. Women have to submit to faulty men who make a lot of boneheaded decisions. That’s rough, I’m not going to lie. But men have to live up to and submit to Jesus Christ Himself, the ultimate Mr. Perfect. That’s harder.

*If you want stomach-wrenching descriptions of what Jesus went through, go here and here.

Back When I Was Her Age…

             Recently I had the privilege of being able to give advice to a friend who had her 9th birthday. She is going to be something special in the future. Things are definitely looking up for her. So what did I say?

             I told her to stay in the moment and appreciate it. I remembered when I was her age. I couldn’t wait to grow up. I was going to get my license and get MUSCLES (woo-hoo, I was gonna impress the ladies). I was going to be important and make important decisions. 

             Oh yeeeaahhhhhh… about that. I got my license. I still don’t have muscles. I guess I’m making important decisions now… but it’s not overly amazing to do so. And I’m still not very important. So you see, there isn’t a whole lot to growing up, so appreciate the present.

             You’ll grow up whether you want to or not. But you can never stay the age you are now, so learn to love it. Recognize it as fleeting. Hold on to it while you can.

             I was going to end with that, but her mom suggested I continue using my blog. And that’s just what I’m doing now.

More Advice for the 9-Year-Olds of the World

            It will get better with siblings! Especially if you are the oldest. Your brothers will get less annoying and your sisters will acquire a fashion sense that includes other colors besides pink. Lord willing.

            But you need to work on developing relationships with your family NOW. If you shut yourself off now, don’t expect to suddenly be best friends with them once your teenage years start and you need shoulders to cry on. Spend time with your family and get to know them.

            Also, understand your parents aren’t perfect. Now, before you go to your parents in triumph and repeat this fact, understand also that you aren’t perfect, either. Everyone is learning in life, including them.

            Also remember that your parents love you dearly and want what’s best for you. So in the future, when you argue over curfews and rights and what you should be able to do and who that special someone is (“but dadddddd, he’s only murdered a couple people! I love him!”), keep this in mind. In the end, your parents will still be there for you when no one else is.

            I guess I could continue, but this is enough. Just remember that you are only this young for so long, and don’t wish to grow up too soon. But it’s never too young to set yourself up for a great next few years. You can both hold on to the present AND mature as a person. This goes for any age.

Teens, Welcome to Reality

            The more I’m around teens, the more I realize that we complain a lot. We complain about school and sports and people life in general. Someone better call the WAAAaaaambulance, because we need it.

            Often, we complain about our parents.

            Our parents intentionally embarrass us. They purposefully annoy us. They don’t let us do everything we want to do. They tell us what not to do. They tell us the same thing a million times. They make a ton of mistakes.

            Our culture (especially the television) says to get  revenge. So we mercilessly mock them. We ignore and intentionally disobey them. We whine a ton. We think it’s justified.

            It’s not. Let’s go for a Job-versus-God-style question and answer beat-down.

Taking Teens to Task

            Where were you over a decade ago when your parents were up all night? Oh yeah, you were that whining sack of flesh keeping them up!

            Where were you over a decade ago when your parents had to then go about their day working and maintaining the home while looking like zombies? You were sleeping.

            Where are you when your parents spend a fortune in gas shuttling brats everywhere? You’re in the car getting ready to enjoy whatever activity you’re going to.

            What are you doing when your parents look at the phone bill? Texting, that’s what.

            What are you doing when your parents have to pay for everything you can’t? Probably not trying to pay them back!

            Where were you the many nights when your parents were up worrying about you for some reason? Off doing the thing that worried them, of course!

            What are you doing when your parents have a crazy messy house? Most likely you aren’t cleaning it!

That Was Fun!

            Looking back at what I’ve just written, I realize I had a blast writing that. Yes, parents aren’t perfect. But we can’t act like we are, either. This kicks me whenever I want to complain about my parents.

            My parents have spent so much on me in terms of money and time and other resources. This, combined with the fact that I make tons of mistakes, means I can’t go whining about my parents when I feel like it without looking kinda stupid.

            Oh, and parents have the ultimate trump card:  they didn’t have to have any of us.

            *Gulp*

The Hand

            This one gets me every time. It’s kinda sad in that they are serious. But in another world where beliefs don’t have any consequences, it would be funny.

            Feminists believe women are more powerful now than they used to be. And that’s funny.

I Should Stop Now…

            Maybe someone should shoot me now before I say something I regret. Oh well, too late!

            Feminists have gotten what they wanted for the most part. Women are basically equal to men in this country. They work as much as men do, and are in all positions of authority (except for the presidency. It shouldn’t be too long before they get there as well).

            Women looked at homemaking and their children, and then they looked at money-making. They decided that jobs were more important than family*. Why? Because, using the world’s logic, money makes the world go round. Money is power**.

            God’s plan? His plan was for the woman to take care of her home and develop the precious children there (Titus 2:5). Men? They made the money and guided the direction of the family. Women?

            They ruled the future.

Celebrating Motherhood

            William Wallace said one of the most profound things I’ve ever heard when he said, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”

            Look at the great people of our day. I don’t know how many I’ve heard say, “I thank my dad for making money, this greatly influenced me.” I’ve heard it a few times, but not that often. What is normally heard? “I thank my mom who cared for me and made me into the person I am today.” It’s almost always the mom.

            Men used to rule whatever age they were in. I’ll admit that. But women ruled the future because they, not the men, molded and influenced the next generation. They were the hands-on caretakers who had the most impact.

            But when women left the home so that they could be “equal” to men, they stopped impacting the next generation the way they used to. They stopped controlling the future.

            Now, in 10 years, what would today’s children say if they were honest? “I thank the government for raising me and my after school programs for guiding me and celebrities for inspiring me and social media for giving me wisdom.”

Who’s Got the Power?

            Men used to control the present. I won’t lie and deny that. I’m glad women are equal in the workplace and that they can vote and can do everything a guy can do.

             However, what feminists today don’t realize is the power women once had. The power women in the workforce have now can’t compare to it. WOMEN USED TO RULE THE FUTURE. And this staggering power was thrown away so women could make money.

             The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Whose hand is it now? The government. Mom and dad are out making money.

*Another annoying but mandatory disclaimer I have to put out: if a mother has a job, I’m not saying she is putting her job above her family. One can have both a job and a family. I’m talking about when a women works to the point where her duties to her husband and children are neglected.

**This is false. The people wielding the money are the powerful ones.

One Day Too Late

            As time goes by, you understand that very few things are constant. The one thing you can count on is change. People come and go. Friends, too. Homes and jobs and everything else. But there may be someone in your life that has always been there for you.

            Have you let that person know how much he or she means to you?

            When you were crying, this person was there. When you were laughing, he was there for you. When life was a roller coaster, he was the rock you could count on.

  The song “One Day Too Late” by Skillet inspired this post. Part of it goes:

            Tick tock hear my life pass by

            I can't erase and I can't rewind

            Of all the things I regret the most I do

            Wish I'd spent more time with you

            Here’s my chance for a new beginning

            I saved the best for a better ending

            And in the end I'll make it up to you, you'll see

            You'll get the very best of me

            Truly a beautiful song. There are people in your life that you couldn’t live without. Do you let them know that? Do you let them know they mean the world to you?

             I’m getting a little misty-eyed as I think of this. So many people have affected my life and I never let them know it. There are so many people who feel worthless and unappreciated, and all they need is a kind word letting them know that everything they’ve done matters.

             Let them know now, before it’s one day too late.

The Soul: The Problem

            So now that we’ve established that America is messed up, let’s look at why. People have various opinions on this (naturally), but I think it starts with the family. The family starts with the dad.

            I’m looking at the fatherless generation* and my heart is currently breaking. Right now. I knew things were bad, but....

– 43% of US children live without their father (!)

–  63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

– 71% of pregnant girls lack a father

– 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

– Wow right? Sadly, those are just a few…

            Families are messed up across the nation, and it starts with the dad. Biblically, God put the father in charge of the house**. He is to guide it and help develop those in his care.

            Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

            Deuteronomy 6:6-7 states, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart;

            “and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” (ASV)

            The problem is that if there is no trainer there is no training. If there is no teacher there is no teaching. Families appear when they should not and children are born into bleak situations.

            Children grow and aren’t taught right from wrong. Guys join gangs to seek approval and manhood that only a father can give. Girls chase after those guys to seek protection and self-worth that only a dad can give. It’s a destructive cycle because then those unmarried girls start families too early and– you get the picture.

             All of this contributes to a culture that is not grounded in anything other than “do what you think or feel is right, follow your heart”. Barbie movies notwithstanding, this formula doesn’t end well.

Okay, So Where Are We Now?

             Families don’t have fathers, which means the mother has to be both the mother (run the day to day activities in the house) and the father (guiding the direction of the family). The problem with this is that they also have to bring in the dough!

            So the moms are working at least one job, so they can’t be both the mom and dad at the same time. Oh, who could possibly help?

            Enter the school systems and media. The school systems babysit the children for most of the time the mom is working, and media (movies, t.v. shows, social media, etc.) does the rest.

            If God’s not involved, situations will fail. And they have, just look at the stats above. The schools can’t replace the father because overcrowded classrooms can’t address individual needs, struggles, hopes, personalities, etc.

            As for the media, all you need to do is look at the people being idolized. Most celebrities are not happy people, folks. Unfortunately, these people are being worshipped. However, if magazines and song lyrics are any indicators, they are not satisfied. They also are looking for someone in their life to tell them they are worth something. They, too, need someone to tell them to stop chasing after what doesn’t last. Celebrities are just more victims of this fatherless generation.

What Does This Have to Do With the Last Post?

            I admit, I’ve gone off on a bit of a closely related tangent. But it was a good tangent. Now let me try to rescue it by tying it to the last post.

            When a block of land has no developer, it stays... undeveloped. Its potential is not tapped. It’s not good for much until something comes along and does something with it.

            That’s how it is with the soul. When we are born, we have potential. But that potential will only be reached if the soul is disciplined, refined (knows right from wrong, beauty from non-beauty), and rational.

            Without the father, none of this happens because the training regimen (life lessons, discipline, guidance) is not put into place. The school systems tell a student to remember X and to make sure to write X on a piece of paper. If this is done, the student has “done good”. When teens get home, the media tells them to idolize… things that are not beautiful, let’s just say.

            That is not developing the soul.

            As a result, the soul’s potential remains untapped, because there is no one there to make sure that it is developed. No one that cares AND can offer personal, individual assistance that is necessary to take a human and set him free.

*While writing this post, I was graciously reminded (shout out to K!) that Christians always have a Father, whether physical and spiritual or both. Psalm 68:5 states:

            “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

            Wow, “A father to the fatherless”. Though earthly fathers will disappoint (they are sinners like everyone else), there is always hope with our God. He IS our hope, in fact.

**Insert typical Christian disclaimer here: by stating that a father is “in charge”, I don’t mean that he lords it over everyone else and acts like a tyrant. Also, I don’t mean that he is more important than the mother. All I mean is that the father is the leader and is to guide the direction of a family. Without the mother, that’s not possible either. But that’s another post.