A very, very common complaint I hear from the ladies side is that guys our age (high school and college) are… jerks. Or maybe they aren’t jerks, they’re just shallow and immature. Or maybe they aren’t shallow and immature… yeah, they’re shallow and immature.
One question I’ve heard is “what should I look for in a guy?” The culture’s answer is looks, humor, and more looks. Now, those things aren’t bad, but if there isn’t character beneath those things, the attractiveness will fade away pretty quickly. So will the relationship.
When I've been asked this question, I usually answer with some variation of the list of questions below. These are great indicators of a guy’s character (i.e. quality). Now, are all these questions applicable in every guy’s situation? No. But they are generally reliable:
1) How does he treat his mom? How he treats his mom is how he’s going to treat you. Does he look out for her, love her, honor her, and help her?
2) How does he treat his dad? This is how he will treat authority in his life. Does he listen to him, respect him, and obey him?
3a) How is he when he is in a bad mood? This goes for EVERYONE, actually. We all have bad days when we are in rotten moods. But one of the marks of mature people is that they don’t feel the need to make sure everyone around them is also in a terrible mood. They don’t try to bring you down just because they are down.
3b) How is he when things don’t go his way? Newsflash: not everything is going to go how you want it to. How he handles life and people while going through adversity is a huge indicator of character.
4) How does he spend his free time? Now, everyone loves a little mindless entertainment in front of the television or computer. But one thing I’d like to tell this generation is that there is a world outside your electronic device! Does he spend an adequate amount of his free time doing something useful? This shows productivity.
5a) How does he serve? The mark of a man is that he puts others before himself. Boys are selfish. Men are not. Boys are arrogant. Men are confident. There is a difference, and only one allows for a guy to serve as he should.
5b) How does he treat those who are culturally “lesser” than him*? Examples of these people are younger siblings, friends, subordinate coworkers, children, elders, strangers, those who aren’t as talented as he is in whatever relevant area, etc. Does he treat them with respect? Or does he walk all over them?
There are more things I can think of**, but this is enough to think about. Unfortunately, many people don’t really put that much thought into who they get into a relationship with. “You’re cute, athletic, and funny. Let’s get together” is about as deep as some go. That lasts until one person actually learns more about the other.
The relationship ends and scars form. Rinse, repeat.
Ladies, when you can, ask these questions about the guy you are interested in. God made us attractive for a reason, but if you are basing your relationship off physical attraction and not an attractive character, odds are you will be disappointed and hurt. That’s not very fun, is it?
*This one (5b) may seem out of place, but it's true. Does he take the time to acknowledge those he doesn't have to? Does he give people around him the time of day?
**Yes, I didn't include the "is he a Christian?" question. The reason why is that is a whole post by itself.
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