Can We Question God?

            As I was talking to a friend about methods of self-therapy, a couple questions popped into my mind that was remotely related to the topic.

            Is it okay to question God?

            After reading the Bible through the years, I’m convinced the answer is “yes”. You can question God because God questioned God.

            Whoa.

            Okay, to be more specific, Jesus questioned His Father. Matthew 27:46 writes, “About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’).” (NIV)

            Even Jesus questioned why He had to go through what He was going through. Even more significant*, we find, in Matthew 27:39, Jesus questioning the foundation of why He came to earth. “And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.’” (ESV) His cup being dying and tortured for us.

            Now to Jesus’ credit, He adds a disclaimer to His plea for the Father. But the fact remained that He cried out to the Father that He (Jesus) wanted Him (the Father) to change His clear will. Jesus KNEW what He had to do, but still wanted His suffering to pass.

            What does that mean for us? That means we can question God, too. In Jeremiah 12:1 (one of my new favorite verses), Jeremiah says, “Righteous art thou, O LORD, when I plead with thee: yet let me talk with thee of thy judgments: Wherefore doth the way of the wicked prosper? wherefore are all they happy that deal very treacherously?” (KJV)

            Here Jeremiah is also putting the disclaimer on his question. Jeremiah is like, “alright, yes, we know You are good and perfect and all that jazz. With that out of the way, WHY DO YOU DO THINGS THE WAY YOU DO?”

            So I repeat: It is okay to question God because Jesus and the prophets did.

Here’s MY Disclaimer

            Now I’m playing devil’s advocate. While it is alright to question God, here’s a little something we don’t like.

            He doesn’t have to answer us.

            Look at Job (in the book of Job). He suffered mercilessly at the hands of Satan. You know how mentally comforting it would have been for God to have said, “Job, you are being tested by Satan. Don’t worry! I am going reward you at the end of this”? That would’ve been great!

            But amidst Job’s cries and questions, God simply tells him that he is not God, so he can’t do what he wants. Only God can.

            In the midst of our cries, God doesn’t have to answer why. He doesn’t have to change our situation. For humans, it’s enough for us to know that God is God and we are not. For Christians, it’s enough to know we aren't God AND that God’s salvation is sufficient for us.

            In 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, Paul writes, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (NIV)

            So here we have Paul begging God to take a physical/spiritual ailment away from him. But God doesn’t take it away or say why it’s there (though Paul Himself gives us that answer); He simply says that His grace is enough.

Summary

            Round one: we can question God. Round two: God doesn’t have to answer our questions. Verdict? As long as we understand who God is (omniscient and omnipotent), we can ask why He does things the way He does. Before I finish this post, I want to raise one more point.

            Jesus, the prophets, Job, and Paul earned the right to question. They were obedient. They suffered and kept fighting the good fight.

            It’s only wrong to question God out of a heart that thinks we are better than Him. That we know more than Him. That we would do better if we were in His place. In these cases the questions don't come from a heart of  humility but one of pride. If we aren’t walking with God, we are trying to replace Him.

            Questions are only as right as the heart of the person asking them.

*In verse 46, Jesus is asking “why?” In verse 39, Jesus is asking for God to change His will. That’s why verse 39 is, to me, more powerful.

Oh Be Careful Little Eyes…

            As our culture becomes less and less Christian, it is becoming more and more secular* (duh). The reality is that we are being bombarded by the media with fifty shades of everything that is undesirable. I’ll be focusing specifically on media in this post.

            Some Christians shrug and say, “Jesus, yeah!” They then proceed without discretion and absorb everything our zeitgeist’s media produces (zeitgeist is German for “modern age”). Other Christians decide to lock themselves in sterilized rooms with a Bible and a glass of water.  Both parties shake their heads at the other.

            Who’s right? In short, neither. What does the Bible say about what we view and listen to?

            To kick us off, I’ll give you Paul and Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think of these things.” (KJV)

             What we think about (meditate on) is who we are. Our mind produces our thoughts, and therefore our words and actions. If all we are taking in is junk, that’s what we will meditate on. Garbage in, garbage out. And the media produces a lot of garbage.

            However, that doesn’t mean to shun media. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, while the Bible contains rape and murder. We can be around things that aren’t always true, pure, holy, lovely (etc.), because Jesus was.

Wow, That Sure Helped

            Okay, so I know those last two paragraphs seemed to contradict each other. Let me try again. The deciding factor on what I allow myself to watch and listen to is this: can I glorify God and keep Him first while I am engaging in this media?

            For instance, there are certain movies that I know I can’t watch. The women show everything (and this is even before the bedroom scenes), people get murdered slowly/graphically, and everyone is cursing like crazy. I can’t say with a straight face that what I am meditating on allows me to put God first in my life.

            As for music, it’s the same deal. Anything explicit goes out the window because of Philippians 4:8.

            But how much is too much? That’s the thing for a lot of Christians, but there is a fundamental flaw with questions like that. The flaw is the mindset behind it.

            Mindset: I want what makes me feel good.

            Question: How much can I get away with?

            Proper mindset: I want to glorify God.

            Proper question: Will this (movie/song) allow me to do that?

            For me, all R-rated movies are off the table (“The Last Samurai” being an exception).  For PG-13 movies, I have to judge them individually*. The factors that ban music for me are explicit lyrics and lyrics that encourage explicit behavior.

That’s Better

            Just like the end of the last post, I leave you with a warning. The left (liberalism) often tells you to accept whatever as long as you “have Jesus”. The right (conservatism) often gives you a list of do’s and don’ts. Neither is correct because they don’t deal with the heart.

            In the Old Testament, God makes it clear that He cares more about the heart than laws. The first chapter of Malachi deals with mindless rule-following. At the same time, God calls us to obedience so that we can show we actually love Him. It’s too easy to pay lip-service.

*A great website for Christian movie reviews is Plugged In. They do the messy job of watching movies so you may not have to.

Man and Nature (from a Farm)

            Being on a farm for the weekend has made me think about nature a little more. The views are gorgeous, the skies are clear, and the animals are smelly. All of this has made me think of our role in nature.

Various Views

            Many have contemplated this relationship between man and nature. At one end of the spectrum* you have pantheism (God is and is in all of nature) and romanticism (nature is good and evil is the extent to which we leave it), and at the other end of you have what I personally call “destructionism” (wantonly destroying nature for the purpose of building industries, economies, cities, etc.).

            Then there are various middle grounds.

What about the Christian?

            Where should the Christian stand? Some go to one end by saying God is the Creator of nature, so they advocate all-natural (like, ALL-NATURAL) living. They don’t kill anything and completely live off the land.

            Others jump to the other end and say, “The fact that the Bible tells us not to worship nature… plus the fact that Jesus will come back before the end of the world and set the world on fire anyways (2 Peter 3:10)… equals a complete disregard for nature! Yeah!”

            To the former, I bring you Genesis 9:1-3:

            “Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.

            The fear and dread of you will fall on all the beasts of the earth, and on all the birds in the sky, on every creature that moves along the ground, and on all the fish in the sea; they are given into your hands.

            Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.”

            So God says we can eat everything, including meat. And for the rest of nature, you can read the Old Testament to find God using a TON of wood to build his temples and cities. A lot of trees got chopped for His glory, and He was A-OK with that.

            For the latter, I bring you Genesis 2:15:

            “The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” (NIV)

            Even before God created Eve**, God gave Adam his job. And what was his job? A farmer and conservationist. The first job ever was taking care of nature. Also Psalm 19:1 (famous verse) states:

            “The heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim His handiwork.” 

            The Psalms are full of verses that praise God through nature. So to the destructionist: God put us in charge of nature; it’s a reflection of His power and ingenuity. We can kill and raze, but not wantonly. Also, pollution is not very godly (looking at you, China).

So Yeah, What about Everyone Else?

            As always, there’s a fine line between legalism and liberalism. Legalism is all about rules, but ignores the heart. Liberalism is all about grace and forgiveness, but ignores obedience. What is the line in this case?

            Biblically, God gave humans dominion over nature. We can eat what we want now that the OT food restrictions are off. We can build and burn.

            However, we are caretakers. Pollution and wastefulness are not marks of a good Christian. Resourcefulness and frugality are the marks of a caring, hard-worker.

            Everyone’s situation is different. But in the end, the hard and fast rule to man’s relationship to nature is “what brings God glory?” Worshipping nature does not, and destroying nature doesn’t either.

*Most of this I remember from some literature classes years ago. I’m so old… but forgive me if I don’t get them exactly right. At least I provide the definitions so you know how I’m using those terms.

**One way to incite a female Christian to madness is to tell them a man’s job is more important than her. Why? Because the JOB came FIRST! But watch for the flying fist that generally comes afterwards…. Oh, while I’m on this train of thought, here’s another one that drives Biblically literate females crazy.

            In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter calls a woman a “weaker vessel” or “weaker partner”. Go around calling them that, and watch their reactions. It’s hilarious! My sister just glared at me (case in point). Oh, it’s also a good way to know if they know their Bible.

What Science Can't Tell You: Others

            Alrighty, this post sums up some of the other limitations of science:

1. Science can’t determine value. It can’t tell you which person is better-looking, which pianist is better, etc. That is more of a cultural/situational question.
2. Science can’t answer anything about morality, or prove or disprove that it exists. That’s more of an anthropological/sociological/theological question.
3. Science can’t prove or disprove the supernatural*, or really help in this area at all. That’s more of a theological/metaphysical question.
4. Science** can’t prove anything, period.

            Why did I list these shortcomings of science? Not because I dislike science, but because our culture worships it but doesn’t understand its boundaries. We trumpet scientific knowledge as absolute truth, while forgetting point #4. No one points out what we can’t learn from science. No one points out that what we do learn from science is subject to change.

            You’re welcome.

*Now, science cannot prove or disprove the supernatural. It can’t study the supernatural. It can, however, show that the most likely explanation to a situation is not physical. This is where a person’s worldview (Christianity or some other religion) steps in and says, “Ah, I can explain that.” Why is Jesus not in that tomb? Christianity explains that. How could the world come from nothing? Christianity explains that. Et cetera.

**People personify science. It drives me crazy in debates (“science shows…”), but for general discussion it’s easier than saying, “the scientific community believes that…”, or “scientists have done research…”. Never let a person personify science in a debate (because they are incorrect), but I generally do in these posts because that makes things simpler.

What Science Can't Tell You: Teleology (ooh, big word)

            Another limitation of science is the fact it can’t tell you the purpose of anything. This is also known as teleology, for those of you who are more philosophically-inclined.

            Why do we breathe? Why does blood flow throughout our bodies? Why is the earth perfectly distanced from the sun? Why is the percentage of oxygen in the atmosphere just so?

            The answer: so we can live.

            The problem: science can’t give you that answer.

            Science can tell you what happens when you breathe in and out (oxygen is absorbed and carbon dioxide is released). Science can tell you what happens when blood circulates (oxygen is given and waste is collected). Science can tell… never mind, you get the picture.

            Science can’t answer the why (purposes, goals) of anything, but it can answer the what and the how. The fact of the matter is that you will have to look elsewhere (theology and philosophy) for these answers.

What Science Can't Tell You: Presuppositions

            The first thing science can’t explain is presuppositions (also known as postulates in geometry). These are basic facts about our existence that have to be true before we can even observe the world (i.e. do science). What are these presuppositions? There are many, but I will just give a few of my favorites:

1. The world is logical, orderly, and consistent (follows the laws of logic)
2. The world functions under the laws of science
3. There is absolute truth (moral relativism aside)
4. Our senses are accurate

            We take these truths for granted. However, they have to exist before we can even do science. Science can’t explain WHY these truths are there. If scientists tried to prove these things, it would sound like “our senses are accurate because we have used our senses and have found that they are accurate.” That’s the best science can do, and it would be circular reasoning.

            These facts presuppose (come before) science; science can’t turn around and explain why they are there.

            So what can explain these things? Enter philosophy and theology. Theology is the study of divine revelation and its implications, while philosophy is the study of the fundamental tenets of knowledge and thought. An individual’s worldview will try to explain why the world is the way it is using at least one of these methods.

            However, science can’t explain these things.

Umm, Why Should I Care?

            You may be thinking, “Why should I care about this?” The reason is that what you believe needs to be able to explain presuppositions. If it cannot, life is logically absurd.

            Take atheism, for example. It can’t explain ANY of these five. Why is the world orderly? Certainly not because of an explosion! Why does nature obey the laws of science? Not because of an explosion (which actually needs scientific laws before it can happen in the first place... but I digress). Why are our senses accurate? Not because lightning struck a pile of organic soup.

            Et cetera.

            Atheism is absurd because it can’t explain the foundations of our existence. Buddhism and Hinduism are the same way (sorta).

            If how we think is a building, it needs a foundation, right? Some are stronger than others.

What Science Can't Tell You

            The god of the 21st century masses is science. Standing unthreatened, its prophets and preachers (scientists) deliver truth to the masses. Absolute truth. What is in those test tubes can’t lie, right?

            What you won’t ever hear from scientists is that science cannot tell you many things. There are things it can't explain or even begin to explore. But people today worship science as truth; they parade it as either: 1) the ONLY way to attain knowledge*, or 2) the knowledge attained through science is the best (surest) knowledge there is**.

            Now, I’m not knocking science. I’m an apologeticist wanna-be (enthusiast), and I love reading about how science confirms God and a young earth.

            However, people go through life thinking science is infallible. I’ll just be going over a few of the shortcomings of this field of knowledge.



*Strong empiricism/scientism. The belief that all knowledge is gained through observation. If something can't be learned from an experiment, it can't be known for sure.
**Weak empiricism/scientism. The belief that, yes, there are other ways of attaining knowledge. However, those fields (philosophy, theology, etc.) are inferior to science in terms of gathering knowledge. Also, the knowledge attained through these methods aren't as sure or trustworthy as knowledge gained through science.

To Burn or Build

            At my new job, I have some awesome coworkers. Quick to help and always patient, they don’t make me dread my upcoming shift. Recently, I’ve relearned that kind people can make your life wonderful, and mean people can make it miserable.

            As I was thinking about what to write today, this contrast came to mind. Am I in the former camp, or the latter? When I enter a situation, do people want to leave or work with me? Proverbs talks about this in 25:24:

            “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (NIV)

            Ouch. Now, I’m not saying I’m a wife (:p), but the truth behind this verse applies to me, too. When I’m snappy and biting I’m sure people want to take off for the hills. But wait, there’s more in 16:27:

            “A worthless man digs up evil, While his words are like a scorching fire.” (NASB)

            Whoa, a scorching fire*, eh? I’ve experienced that from others and myself. Sometimes you spew words and it feels like pure venom. It’s one of those “I-wish-I-could-rewind-but-I-can’t-and-now-I-just-destroyed-you” things. When someone does it to me, I just want to shrink and disappear. Not a fun feeling.

            When we talk to people, regardless of our mood, do we make them wish they didn’t exist? Do we devastate others and then later excuse it because of our mood? Contrast that to how our words should be (Proverbs 25:11**):

            “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

            Yes, that may be poetry, but the truth is that a correct word choice is beautiful. Proper words are awe-inspiring regardless of the message. It’s presentation is superb, and people want more or it. Proverbs 16:24 states:

            “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (NIV)

            Are we full of crushing and biting remarks? Do we mock others***? Or are our words soothing and full of grace? When people mess up, are they afraid to come to us for fear of our wrath? Do they fear our sarcastic tear-downs?

            As Christians, we are called to take the high road. To forgive, to talk with grace. As a chronic failure in this area, I know I need forgiveness and grace. But we can grow together and look towards the day when our words will destroy no more.

*Read James chapter 3 to learn more about how dangerous words can be. Yeah, they can be very dangerous.

**If you couldn’t tell yet, Proverbs is great for learning about how to live. It’s full of tips and wisdom. On a side note, too bad its author (Solomon) didn’t follow some of his own advice…

***Coincidentally, I was listening to “Something You Said” by Insufficient Funds on Pandora. Among other things, it talk about a man who verbally abused his wife and she goes and commits suicide… cheerful stuff.

The Soul: What to Do?

            In the previous post I established why I think America is collapsing. My answer is the demise of the family (and fatherhood specifically).

            In this post I’ll write about how to fix America. Naturally, I think the answer is fixing the family. Now, some people I know think the answer is fixing the education system. I’ll tell you why that is incorrect.

            The kids who GO TO the schools COME FROM homes. Now, if the home is messed up, the kids generally could care less how well they do in school. This doesn’t depend on how good the individual school is, it’s just that kids won’t care unless there are people at home to push them forwards.

            Stats back this up (kids coming from single-parent homes or step-parent homes not doing as well in school). However, I just want to dismiss the “education is the key to fixing the country” thing people say.

            Now, how do we fix the families in the country? We start by FIXING THE CHRISTIAN FAMILIES. When people look at us, they should see something that they want and desperately need. What are these things? Peace, joy, security, direction, purpose, and all those others things. But what do they see?

Statistics (Don’t You Love Them?)

            The numbers vary, but generally the “Christian” couples’ divorce rate is around 40-50%. Ouch. Now, those numbers go down based on how serious* the Christian couples are concerning their faith. Stricter Christians (those generally more on the conservative side) have lower divorce rates, and the numbers go down the more fundamental you go (i.e. more tenets of faith you hold to). But wait, there’s more:

            61% of Christians said they would have sex before marriage**. Ouch. 59% said that cohabitation is alright after dating for more than six months. Ouch. But wait, there’s more:

            In the Catholic church (and in some Protestant churches), child abuse has been a problem. Hundreds of thousands of kids have been abused by “leaders”. Ugh. But wait... I don’t feel like continuing. This is enough.

So How Do People See “Christians”?

            Let’s go through these lovely statistics. Those outside of Christianity see pain, lies, faithlessness, promiscuity, pregnancies, STDs, hypocrisy, and abuse. So, let’s go evangelize! Let’s go convince people that Christianity is the only way! Let’s go tell people that Christianity will heal the soul and set it free!

            Uh, no. We won’t fix the education system, or the family, or the soul, or the nation, until we fix ourselves. Until two Christians make the commitment to wait until marriage. And until those two Christians wait until death to part. Until Christian leaders see the souls behind the bodies of the people they work with. Until the world sees that we are who we say we are.

That’s Just It

            Let’s read about what God wants us to be. Matthew 5:14 states, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” (NIV)

            Christians think of “light of the world” and think “aww, that’s cute.” That’s just because we don’t understand the context. The verse before (13) goes something like:

            “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.”

            The majority of Christians are not salty and so God won’t use them. Why? They are no different than those they are supposed to be seasoning. If salt tasted like french fries, would we put salt on french fries? No, nothing would happen (I don’t think, don’t quote me on the fries thing).

Fixing the Soul

            We’ve established that America is messed up. This is because the soul of the nation and of the individuals are messed up. We’ve also established that the downfall of the family and fatherhood is responsible for messed up souls.

            How do we fix the family (and therefore all the other things)? By showing that there is an alternative to dysfunction. But we have to BE the alternative. We have to be the light of the world that people can look to and say, “I want to be like that.” They join the light, change, and become examples for others. Pretty soon enough changed lives will change a nation.

            But it starts with you and me. Will we pick up our crosses and follow Jesus? Then our souls will be changed, and the world will soon follow.

*But really, "seriousness" doesn't matter when you say you are a Christian. Already you've labeled yourself, being serious or not doesn't change how people see you. They don't differentiate between those obeying Christ and not. The damage is done.
**I could've used the stats about actual teenage sex in Christian circles. But that's depressing, so I'll just trust those who say they would have sex if they could and roll with that.

The Soul: The Problem

            So now that we’ve established that America is messed up, let’s look at why. People have various opinions on this (naturally), but I think it starts with the family. The family starts with the dad.

            I’m looking at the fatherless generation* and my heart is currently breaking. Right now. I knew things were bad, but....

– 43% of US children live without their father (!)

–  63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

– 71% of pregnant girls lack a father

– 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

– Wow right? Sadly, those are just a few…

            Families are messed up across the nation, and it starts with the dad. Biblically, God put the father in charge of the house**. He is to guide it and help develop those in his care.

            Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

            Deuteronomy 6:6-7 states, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart;

            “and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” (ASV)

            The problem is that if there is no trainer there is no training. If there is no teacher there is no teaching. Families appear when they should not and children are born into bleak situations.

            Children grow and aren’t taught right from wrong. Guys join gangs to seek approval and manhood that only a father can give. Girls chase after those guys to seek protection and self-worth that only a dad can give. It’s a destructive cycle because then those unmarried girls start families too early and– you get the picture.

             All of this contributes to a culture that is not grounded in anything other than “do what you think or feel is right, follow your heart”. Barbie movies notwithstanding, this formula doesn’t end well.

Okay, So Where Are We Now?

             Families don’t have fathers, which means the mother has to be both the mother (run the day to day activities in the house) and the father (guiding the direction of the family). The problem with this is that they also have to bring in the dough!

            So the moms are working at least one job, so they can’t be both the mom and dad at the same time. Oh, who could possibly help?

            Enter the school systems and media. The school systems babysit the children for most of the time the mom is working, and media (movies, t.v. shows, social media, etc.) does the rest.

            If God’s not involved, situations will fail. And they have, just look at the stats above. The schools can’t replace the father because overcrowded classrooms can’t address individual needs, struggles, hopes, personalities, etc.

            As for the media, all you need to do is look at the people being idolized. Most celebrities are not happy people, folks. Unfortunately, these people are being worshipped. However, if magazines and song lyrics are any indicators, they are not satisfied. They also are looking for someone in their life to tell them they are worth something. They, too, need someone to tell them to stop chasing after what doesn’t last. Celebrities are just more victims of this fatherless generation.

What Does This Have to Do With the Last Post?

            I admit, I’ve gone off on a bit of a closely related tangent. But it was a good tangent. Now let me try to rescue it by tying it to the last post.

            When a block of land has no developer, it stays... undeveloped. Its potential is not tapped. It’s not good for much until something comes along and does something with it.

            That’s how it is with the soul. When we are born, we have potential. But that potential will only be reached if the soul is disciplined, refined (knows right from wrong, beauty from non-beauty), and rational.

            Without the father, none of this happens because the training regimen (life lessons, discipline, guidance) is not put into place. The school systems tell a student to remember X and to make sure to write X on a piece of paper. If this is done, the student has “done good”. When teens get home, the media tells them to idolize… things that are not beautiful, let’s just say.

            That is not developing the soul.

            As a result, the soul’s potential remains untapped, because there is no one there to make sure that it is developed. No one that cares AND can offer personal, individual assistance that is necessary to take a human and set him free.

*While writing this post, I was graciously reminded (shout out to K!) that Christians always have a Father, whether physical and spiritual or both. Psalm 68:5 states:

            “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

            Wow, “A father to the fatherless”. Though earthly fathers will disappoint (they are sinners like everyone else), there is always hope with our God. He IS our hope, in fact.

**Insert typical Christian disclaimer here: by stating that a father is “in charge”, I don’t mean that he lords it over everyone else and acts like a tyrant. Also, I don’t mean that he is more important than the mother. All I mean is that the father is the leader and is to guide the direction of a family. Without the mother, that’s not possible either. But that’s another post.