Let Em Know

            Think through situations involving many people. School, work, teams, home, etc. There are those people who get the praise when things go correctly and the blame when they don’t. These people are in the front. They're the face of the operation, and they get all the recognition. All the focus is on them.

            But I’ve been thinking about that. They don’t actually determine whether or not the entire unit is successful. Oh, they are important in providing direction and executing in-the-moment leadership, but it’s far from a one-man-show. There are other people involved.

             You sometimes see these other people, but you don’t give them a second thought. They are the behind-the-scenes workers. They do the moving and organizing. They do the renovating. They do the hard work, and they don’t demand attention.

             Without these people, life doesn’t get done. There would be no cameramen to record the pretty politicians. There would be no builders to build the mansions shown on MTV.

             These people are amazingly talented and hard-working, and don’t get half the credit they deserve. Do you know anyone that fits this description? Let them know you notice their contribution, and you are thankful for everything they do.

              They still won’t get the attention they deserve, but they’ll know they matter. They’ll know you care.

Do You Like You?

            I am what one would call a people pleaser. I don’t like the thought of ANYONE disliking me. How does this affect how I live? The positive results are that I'm very understanding when it comes to people making mistakes and I try to do everything I can to be encouraging to my everyone.

            The negative results? I don’t always speak my mind when I should and I often inconvenience myself because I tangle myself up trying to help others.

            Just like with any type of person, there are good and bad things to people pleasers. I just listed a couple of both.

            But what I want to focus on is the self-destructive potential people pleasers can have. I can’t think of a better example of this than the woman in Colbie Caillat’s song “Try” (the first two paragraphs are the second verse, the third is the chorus):

Get your shopping on,

At the mall,

Max your credit cards

You don't have to choose,

Buy it all

So they like you. Do they like you?

Wait a second,

Why should you care, what they think of you

When you're all alone, by yourself

Do you like you? Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

            What happens is that we think our worth is tied up in others accepting us. If they don’t accept us, we aren’t worth anything. We feel we matter when others like us.

            But what stuck out to me is the second part of the second paragraph. “When you’re all alone, by yourself/Do you like you? Do you like you?”

            If you are a people pleaser, really think about that. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if people dislike or like you if you don’t like yourself. You’ll be running on a treadmill that’s going too fast. You’ll get worried about others when the person you should be thinking about for once is you.

            You don’t exist to please others, though you should try to when you can. You exist to serve God by doing the right thing. Don’t compromise yourself so you can be liked by someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

            Do you like you? That’s not a selfish question. If the answer’s not “yes”, your life will be a draining grind, day in, day out.

I'll Tell You What I Want...

            A very, very common complaint I hear from the ladies side is that guys our age (high school and college) are… jerks. Or maybe they aren’t jerks, they’re just shallow and immature. Or maybe they aren’t shallow and immature… yeah, they’re shallow and immature.

            One question I’ve heard is “what should I look for in a guy?” The culture’s answer is looks, humor, and more looks. Now, those things aren’t bad, but if there isn’t character beneath those things, the attractiveness will fade away pretty quickly. So will the relationship.

            When I've been asked this question, I usually answer with some variation of the list of questions below. These are great indicators of a guy’s character (i.e. quality). Now, are all these questions applicable in every guy’s situation? No. But they are generally reliable:

1) How does he treat his mom? How he treats his mom is how he’s going to treat you. Does he look out for her, love her, honor her, and help her?

2) How does he treat his dad? This is how he will treat authority in his life. Does he listen to him, respect him, and obey him?

3a) How is he when he is in a bad mood?  This goes for EVERYONE, actually. We all have bad days when we are in rotten moods. But one of the marks of mature people is that they don’t feel the need to make sure everyone around them is also in a terrible mood. They don’t try to bring you down just because they are down.

3b) How is he when things don’t go his way? Newsflash: not everything is going to go how you want it to. How he handles life and people while going through adversity is a huge indicator of character.

4) How does he spend his free time? Now, everyone loves a little mindless entertainment in front of the television or computer. But one thing I’d like to tell this generation is that there is a world outside your electronic device! Does he spend an adequate amount of his free time doing something useful? This shows productivity.

5a) How does he serve? The mark of a man is that he puts others before himself. Boys are selfish. Men are not. Boys are arrogant. Men are confident. There is a difference, and only one allows for a guy to serve as he should.

5b) How does he treat those who are culturally “lesser” than him*? Examples of these people are younger siblings, friends, subordinate coworkers, children, elders, strangers, those who aren’t as talented as he is in whatever relevant area, etc. Does he treat them with respect? Or does he walk all over them?

            There are more things I can think of**, but this is enough to think about. Unfortunately, many people don’t really put that much thought into who they get into a relationship with. “You’re cute, athletic, and funny. Let’s get together” is about as deep as some go. That lasts until one person actually learns more about the other.

            The relationship ends and scars form. Rinse, repeat.

            Ladies, when you can, ask these questions about the guy you are interested in. God made us attractive for a reason, but if you are basing your relationship off physical attraction and not an attractive character, odds are you will be disappointed and hurt. That’s not very fun, is it?

*This one (5b) may seem out of place, but it's true. Does he take the time to acknowledge those he doesn't have to? Does he give people around him the time of day?

**Yes, I didn't include the "is he a Christian?" question. The reason why is that is a whole post by itself.